Reading progress update: I've read 100%.

Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James

This book is hot garbage left out in the sun for six months that has maggots squirming all over it. 

 

Short summary, college student meets millionaire/billionaire with vague job description and proceeds to obsess over him for no reason. He obsesses over her for no reason. Surprise he's into BDSM. Or really he's into what the author thinks is BDSM. Cause it's not. Christian Grey is the patron saint of men's rights activists everywhere. He stalks, bullies, and abuses said college student and she thinks she can make him love her cause of Disney cartoons. I don't know. This book had every red flag known to man and then it came to a terrible ass ending. I refuse to read and review books #2 and #3. 

 

Besides the lack of development of the two main characters (Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele) and their general assholiness (don't care if it's not a word) everyone else in this book was underdeveloped. 

 

Christian because he's an alien who never met real people thinks that him being a dominant means Ana must one him inside and outside of bed. She's not allowed to say no. She has to eat what he wants, work out when he says so, and he even picks her damn OBGYN. He also decides he doesn't like her going by Ana and calls her Anastasia or Ms. Steele at all times. I had flashbacks to Tom Cruise and Katie (her name is Kate) Holmes. 

 

Ana because she's a moron thinks this is love. And she's no prize either. She asks Christian if he's gay, proceeds to spread a rumor he is and just generally acts like a dick towards anyone else who may be having sex. She thinks can control Christian because love and whatever. She also calls Christian control freak and Fifty Shades at different places. I wanted her and her inner goddess to die a horrible death in a desert while someone read out loud from a better book than this mess. 

 

Everyone else wasn't worth mentioning. There are other people who are merely there to distract Ana from Christian and that's it. 

 

The plot was a joke. Millionaire/billionaire 26 year old meets a college student who asks him if he's gay during an interview and a whole host of terrible ass questions and he says that there is a submissive. Proceeds to stalk her at her job, at her graduation, and to freaking Georgia cause even though he says that he doesn't do relationships what he means is that he can't take not having her under his creepy ass gaze all damn day. 

 

The writing was awful. Besides that inner goddess crap I realized this book was littered with Britishims all over. Plus James is a snob and that shines through with her through Ana looking down on people who read books that are not classics written by British authors (eyeroll). Guess what? "Far From the Maddening Crowd" sucks. 

 

Back to the terrible writing, at different times in this book you realize you should be reading present tense but the way something is described only works if it's past tense. I just gave up. Most of the book is just the dominant/submissive contract, the contract revised, and terrible ass emails between Christian and Ana. There is barely and dialogue besides "laters baby" being uttered by Christian and his brother. 

 

The flow was awful. There's really no plot so you stumble from terrible sex scene to terrible sex scene. Shoot, go read Jenny Trout's "The Boss" if you want some hot BDSM. I tapped out on that series, but the sex scenes were good. Hell go read some of your mother's bodice rippers. This book takes everything we tell our daughters about how no one on them or their bodies and just laughs at it. 

 

The setting is Seattle, but besides a few references it really seems like the author had never been there. Maybe she watched a few Real World episodes for research and called it a day.

 

The ending was terrible. Ana is left howling in pain cause Fifty Shades can't love her. Whatever girl. 

 

 

Electronic pages: 530

$10.00

Balance: $173